Today, PSLE results is out...

I wanted so badly to be in school to share the joy of my pupils but... I couldn't fall asleep again last night and was feeling nauseas again. I had panic attack again, only managed to sleep at 9am plus and even so, I didn't sleep well, kept waking up... In the evening, I finally got to contact and told my boss about our condition. Really hate to repeat my story over and over again but after telling her what had happened to me, I felt a sense of relief. Thank God, she was very understanding towards my case and gave me the whole Dec to recover and see if I need to take a longer break from work. I seriously need to reconsider my job even though i really love my job.

I spoke to one of my student's father to find out how his son did for his PSLE. I was glad to know he had scored a A for my subject. And I was really glad to hear from the father's understanding of the stress of my job. I want to tell his son that if he has already tried his best, he should not be sad with his result. Treat this as a learning process and look forward with hope. He is a sensible boy and will definitely do well in his future endeavours. It gives me great joy and encouragement to know parents still respect and look highly at my job.

I really want my health back. Pray and hope God will grant me good health so that I can continue my job...

Marcus XA
YNWA @ 9:55 PM

Me Vs Psychologist
Seen the psychologist twice and she can tell me-treat your panic attack just like a hiccup! When she told me this, I remained calmed. But after I left her room, I was like thinking-Hiccup is hiccup leh, panic attack is really terrible lor! You feel like dying, losing your breathe! Hiccup is nothing compared to a panic attack, c'mon! She told me " You know your panic attack is not going to kill you right? You know your panic attack will just go away right? " Oh yes, I know... but you never know when a serious panic attack will just turn into a fit and kill you?! She also told me " Whenever you feel a panic attack is coming, try not to focus on it, continue with your activities, be it going out with friends, talking to someone, etc..." Better said than done! Treat panic attack like a irritating kid. You know the more this irritating kid wants to attract you and irritate you, the more you should just ignore him! Ok, I will try to do that...Let's see how it goes...

Me Vs Psychiatrist
My 3rd time seeing her, told her of the side effects of taking the medicine she prescribed. But she said it maybe because of other medicine which I'm taking. Oh well, I have been taking all the other medicine before I took hers. So I still think it's got to do with her medicine. She said side effects will slowly subside. But if it doesn't, I will need a change of medicine. She asked " Would you rather have more panic attack than living with the side effects?" I'm like " Of course I don't want both lah!" Let's see how it goes...

Me Vs Myself
I've not been able to sleep at night for about a week. Before this episode happens, I've been waking up from my sleep. Twice I was woken up and had panic attack in my sleep. I told the doctors but they don't seem to know why and whether it will pose any danger to my sleep. You know it's really scary, what if the next time I dreamt I'm dead and I really is?! Let's see how it goes...

Marcus XA
YNWA @ 9:35 PM